How I Got Fat - Hail to Thee, Fat People - Allan Sherman

Ladies and gentlemen, I got fat as a public service.\nWhen I was a child, my mother said to me,\n«Clean the plate, because children are starving in Europe.»\nAnd I might point out that that was years before the Marshall Plan\nwas ever heard of.\nSo I would clean the plate, four, five, six times a day.\nBecause somehow I felt that that would keep the children from starving\nin Europe.\nBut I was wrong. They kept starving. And I got fat.\nSo I would like to say to every one of you who is either skinny\nor in some other way normal--\nWhen you walk out on the street, and you see a fat person,\nDo not scoff at that fat person. Oh no!\nTake off your hat. Hold it over your heart.\nLift your chin up high. And in a proud, happy voice say to him,\n«Hail to thee, fat person!\nYou kept us out of war!»