BAMF - Dane Cook

I’ve made some upgrades in my life, sometimes you have to upgrade your life.

There’s things that you need to do, you need to invest in yourself,

in your soul

I wanted to get a new vehicle and I was thinkin' «What do I want to get?

«and I’m talkin' to my buddies and I’m like «what do you think,

what should I get, What’s something that’s badass that when I’m driving around

I’ll feel like a B.A. that’s a Bad a**? I shortened it. And I wanted some

suggestions, «What would make me feel like a Bad a** Mother f***er a BAMF?

«Again I just shortened it. You know no one says I’m going to buy a new car

that makes me look like a s***head. Something delapitated that when i’m driving

around people point and laugh at me in my existence

SO I was talkin' to my friends, and I was like «What do you think guys,

what should I get that’s B.A. That I’m going to feel cool driving around in?

«and my friends were making suggestions, «You should getter a Hummer 2,

get one of those H2's man that’s bad a**. And I looked at my friends and I

said «I dont want a Hummer 2 because people already have that and I dontwant

something that people already have so this what I went out and got and it’s

workin' out awesome. I’ve been driving around a cement truck

I put neon underneath, I put 50 inch rims, that I made myself in my basement,

out of alluminum foil and ornaments. Yeah, and you know that big thing that

turns in the back? My buddies are in there rollin' around. I padded it don’t

worry, I padded it

They have a blasty back there. They love it, I throw treats in the back,

I throw Jolly Rancher watermelon candies. And they suck on treats,

and they roll around, while I drive the CT2004, That’s what I call it

I’m going to put my foot down, I am going to make a stance right now,

I’m going to say this: watermelon is the only good flavor of Jolly Rancher

candies, I will say that

Thank you for agreeing with me. If you say sour apple, I will stab you in the

jaw. Sour apple sucks, if you believe that sour apple is good, you meet me in

the lobby after the show, I’ll be the guy stabbing jaws. Theres not too many of

us out there. Just look for the guy stabbing jaws, that’s me come up say

'hello' and I’ll stab you in the jaw